


The Ghosts We Create

by pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-14 20:23:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5757055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts/pseuds/pinkfrostedsprinkleddoughnuts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan doesn't know how good he's got it until life threatens to take it away. Or, more accurately, the Ghosts of Christmas Past threatens to take Phil away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Breaking Point

They knew that they weren’t together, but they were certainly close to crossing that line. But that was nothing new. The line hadn’t been there at all when they first met, nor when they made their first videos together, when they kissed, when they had sex. Dan drew that line when he called things off with Phil years ago. And though it had faded slightly, even wobbled in some places, the line was still boldly standing. They were reminded of it every day. Today, more so than ever.

* * *

* * *

 

_Honestly_ , he thinks, _even if he did save some lives - even if he did stop some people from killing themselves – the universe doesn’t care. The universe, and everything in it, is all going to cease to exist someday anyway – maybe in an implosion, maybe even in an epic explosion, but definitely fading to nothingness. It’s all totally pointless. There’s no point in making a new video today if it is eventually just going to be destroyed in potentially the near future by the cold, callous universe._

“Dan, are you okay?” Phil’s gentle voice comes lilting down from above Dan. Dan can’t see Phil’s face because Dan is currently lying face-down on the hallway floor, but he assumes that Phil has that concerned look on his face again. That look had been appearing more and more recently.

“Mmmh,” Dan replies.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Phil says. Dan hears him sliding down the wall to sit next to him, and feels Phil’s warm hand on his back. “Having another existential crisis?”

“Mmmh,” Dan grunts in affirmation. Phil thankfully understands Dan, like he always does, even when Dan is being an insufferable child. _Phil cares about Dan, yeah, but Phil doesn’t care enough to convince the entire universe of Dan’s importance. Of anyone’s importance. And if the universe doesn’t care, then what’s the point of Phil even trying to care?_

_No, that’s not right_ , Dan thinks. _Phil never tries to care. He just does._

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phil asks.

“Mmmh.” That meant no.

So Phil sat with Dan in comfortable silence for a while. It almost seemed like Dan was asleep, but of course he wasn’t. His mind was spinning with thoughts about the inevitability of death and deep depression. It puzzled him that Phil didn’t think about these things – or, if he did, they certainly didn’t bother him to the extent they did Dan.

Phil eventually breaks the silence. “I hate to bring this up and interrupt your crisis, but we have to go to PJ’s birthday party in an hour.”

_Shit, how long has he been lying here?_ Dan thinks. All that comes out of his mouth is another “mmmh.”

“You don’t have to go if you don’t-”

“No,” Dan mumbles, finally moving for the first time in hours. “No, it’s PJ’s birthday; we have to go.” He sighs internally and picks himself up off of the floor. The first thing he sees are Phil’s bright blue eyes staring at him.

“You sure?”

“Definitely.”

“All right then, let’s get you some tea and get ready.” Phil stands up and stretches, giving Dan one last concerned glance before heading up the stairs to the kitchen.

And that was Phil Lester, eternal ray of sunshine and occasional existential therapist to Dan Howell. Dan stares after Phil’s retreating figure, wondering how he’s gotten so lucky. Oh, right.

He hadn’t.

Dan and Phil were a YouTube power couple in every sense of the phrase – except for being an _actual_ couple.

Well, they were, once, but Dan won’t let himself think about that right now. He had just dragged himself out of one crisis; he isn’t about to spiral straight into another one.

Dan stands up off the floor. He’s half expecting to see a black mark where he lay, but it’s just the regular crème colour of the carpet. _Looks like he hadn’t bled out his depressing and ugly soul onto the carpet yet._

“Tea’s ready!” Phil calls.

Dan heads towards the source of the sound of Phil’s voice, who is standing in the kitchen holding a mug in either hand. He holds out the Hello Kitty mug towards Dan and keeps the Adventure Time mug close to himself.

“Drink this, it’ll make you feel better,” Phil says. He takes a sip from his own mug and it instantly steams up his glasses. “Ah! I’m blind!”

Dan cracks a smile for the first time in hours, which he thinks was really Phil’s goal.

“You’ve done that about a million times, how do you never remember to just wear your contacts?” Dan takes a sip of his tea.

Phil’s smile absolutely radiates positivity, because Dan’s voice has it’s old sarcastic-but-happy tone back to it. “It’s quite fun, though. Like a miniature fog that only you can see.”

“A miniature fog.”

“Right, we’ve got forty-five minutes before we have to go to PJ’s party at the pub. You need to get ready!” Phil exclaims.

“Are you saying I’m not perfectly ready right now?” Dan acts hurt, pressing a hand to his chest. “My morning routine is lying on the floor for five hours until I look depressing enough to go out and scare people. Do I not look depressing enough?”

“Well, I personally like your hobbit hair, but-”

“Oh _fuck_.” And then Dan exits the room lightning fast in search of his hair straighteners.

Phil laughs and decides to give Dan some privacy, so he settles in with his cup of tea and Netflix. But after two episodes of _Food Wars_ , he begins to get slightly worried again.

“Dan, c’mon, we’re going to be late!” Phil calls out from their hallway. Dan is standing in the bathroom, trying to fix his fringe, spray body spray, and brush his teeth all at once.

“Ihn hmm minhinte!” Dan mumbles back, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.

“You what?” Phil appears in the open doorway to the bathroom. Of course he was all ready to go: space coat on, contacts in and glasses left far behind (no more miniature fog, it seems), and hair straightened to perfection.

“In a minute,” Dan spits out the toothbrush. He runs his long fingers through his fringe again and with a sigh of “ugh” turns to the door. Phil moves aside so that Dan can retrieve his ring wraith coat from the closet.

“The taxi’s already outside,” Phil reminds Dan for what must be the hundredth time today. “What were you doing for the past forty minutes?”

_Continuing my existential crisis_ , Dan thinks. But of course he doesn’t say anything. _If Phil even knew a fraction of how bad they had gotten_... Dan can’t even think about that.

“Fixing my hobbit hair takes time,” Dan pulls up the hood and stuffs his phone in his pocket. He smirks at Phil, but doesn’t meet his eyes. “C’mon, then, we’re going to be late!” He says, mocking Phil’s earlier words.

Phil is lost for words like always, because Dan always astounds him. It doesn’t matter if it’s banter, an argument (though those were rare and always had been), or even just filming a video – Dan always has the last word.

“Oi, shut up!” Phil laughs and follows Dan down the stairs.

The taxi ride passes with casual banter, as usual, like nothing is wrong, and then they’re at the bar which is far busier than either of them imagined.

“How many friends does PJ have!?” Phil asks incredulously. “Surely he can’t know every single person here. There’s got to be at least eighty, if not a hundred, people!”

“It’s still not as bad as a club,” Dan reassures Phil. “PJ just has a lot of friends. Or, more likely, PJ knows five people here and is unfortunate enough to have scheduled his birthday party on a Saturday night at one of the most popular pubs in Central London.”

“Yeah, that sounds more like it.” Phil regards the entrance warily. They both enter and, after a few minutes of looking around, finally spot PJ. The two circumvent their way around and through the crowd until they reach him.

“Glad you could make it, guys!” PJ greets them loudly, struggling to be heard over the blaring music. It’s some song Dan doesn’t recognise, but it’s far too upbeat to fit his mood right now. Phil, on the other hand, comments on how catchy it is. _Of course he bloody finds it catchy_. Dan and Phil exchange pleasantries – well, banter – and presents with PJ, and then they decide that it’s high time for a drink. _Or several_ , Dan adds.

            It’s so crowded that they could barely move. Without even thinking about it, Phil grabs Dan’s hand and begins leading him towards the bar. Dan’s eyes go wide and his face flushes, but thank God Phil doesn’t see – he’s too busy on a quest to get them both to the bar. When Phil reaches the bar, he doesn’t let go of Dan’s hand. Dan doesn’t know if that’s Phil’s subconscious at work or whatever, but Dan’s definitely feeling uncomfortable at this point. Not uncomfortable like he doesn’t _want_ to be holding Phil’s hand, but uncomfortable because there it was again: this persistent fucking line in his head that he’s perpetually petrified of crossing or even bloody touching. But eventually Phil lets go of Dan’s hand to pick up the two drinks from the bar.

“Dan! Look! They’re serving our drinks for one night only!” Phil yells over the blaring music. He looks like he hasn’t even registered what he just did as abnormal. “PJ must’ve asked for this.” He shuffles closer to Dan, because Dan mumbles and Phil’s a bit deaf – a winning combination of course – and hands him _The Dan_ : a combination of espresso, Patron Café, and vanilla. Phil’s got his own drink of Vodka, Malibu, Blue Curacao, pineapple bitter, and lemonade. In Dan’s opinion, _The Phil_ is so much nicer – but he isn’t going to tell Phil that. Phil’s is sweet; Dan’s is bitter. _Bloody metaphors_.

Well, he isn’t going to let alcohol go to waste. The warmth of Phil’s hand still lingers on Dan’s, a _not-entirely-unwanted_ sensation, and Dan throws his drink back in record time.

“Whoa, slow down Dan,” Phil raises an eyebrow. “Is your drink that good?”

“I think you’re supposed to savour good things,” Dan counters. His eyes linger on Phil for a bit too long, but Phil doesn’t look away like he usually does.

Usually, one of them will make a flirty comment or gesture that just brushes the line. Usually, the other one will cough or awkwardly look away. Usually, it ends there.

Not tonight, apparently.

Phil takes a long swig of his drink.

Silence.

It’s a bit hard to talk in the pub, and Dan knows how much Phil hates that. So he leans against the bar and orders another drink – another _Dan_ – and knocks that back too.

“Dan, maybe you should-”

“What?”

“I said maybe you should-”

But it’s no use, Dan can’t hear a thing over the unbearably loud music and the cheers coming from the other side of the bar. They both look over. People were singing happy birthday to PJ. Looks like PJ actually does know quite a lot of these people, then. He won’t miss Dan and Phil if they disappear for a few minutes.

Phil shakes his head and finishes the rest of his drink. Then he glances round, looking for a quieter space, until he spots an isolated little booth near the back of the bar. He doesn’t grab Dan’s hand this time, and Dan doesn’t know whether he’s relieved or disappointed, but Phil just gestures for Dan to follow him.

“I can hear myself think now,” Phil sighs with relief as he slides over the leather seat. Dan sits opposite him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty loud back there. I genuinely can’t tell if these people are PJ’s friends or just total strangers that happen to be in this pub at this time, but they seem to be happily singing happy birthday anyway,” Dan shrugs. “Uh, anyway, what were you trying to tell me earlier?”

Phil pauses. “I can’t remember.”

Dan’s almost glad.

“Oh, wait. I was going to say you should maybe slow down with your drinking.”

_Shit_.

“Phil, c’mon, you’ve seen me drunk. This isn’t it,” Dan protests.

“I know Dan, I’m just...” Phil’s eyes flicker up from the sticky table to Dan’s eyes. “... Just worried about you, is all.”

“Worried about me?” Dan recoils.

Phil leans over and puts his hand on Dan’s arm. “You’ve been a bit more depressed lately, Dan. You’ve been having more existential crises, and just then you drank those drinks really quickly-”

“I don’t have a bloody drinking problem, Phil,” Dan hisses back, spitting his words like venom.

“I know you don’t,” Phil says calmly. “I know that, but something has definitely been up with you lately. I just want to be there for you, Dan, that’s all.”

“Well-”

Whatever Dan was going to say dies in his throat. This doesn’t happen often, but Phil’s hand on his arm was just a little bit distracting.

_The line in his head looks a bit faded_. Dan doesn’t pull his arm away. And then the alcohol kicks in.

“All right, Phil, I’m worried about you too.”

“Eh?” Phil just genuinely looks surprised.

“You keep giving me these _pathetic_ puppy dog eyes like back when we first met. I told you we had to keep it platonic when I broke things off. I’m worried you’re falling back in love with me again,” the words spill from Dan’s mouth uncontrollably, and he regrets each one as it comes out. He can’t take it back again. _But hey, the universe doesn’t care, so what the fuck will it even matter in several years?_

Phil recoils like a kicked puppy, eyes dropping to the floor. But that’s not even the worst part, oh no: the worst part is what he says next.

“I’m so sorry, I just – I thought – from the way you were acting – that maybe you – might want me back too,” Phil says in a shaky voice. Phil has always been honest and brave, a beautiful combination that Dan admired so. But Dan is neither of these things.

“I would never want you back,” Dan lies so smoothly that he almost believes his own words, until a pain in his heart strikes him so hard the breath is knocked out of him. He abruptly slides out of the booth and stands up.

“Wait Dan! I’m sorry! I promise I can go back to normal, we can pretend that this never happened, I just-”

Dan turns to look at Phil, who stands up next to him. They’re both at eye level to each other.

“I just don’t want to lose you,” Phil whispers. It’s the quietest sound, and it’s louder than if Phil had screamed the words at him.

“You won’t,” Dan says. Phil’s hands grip Dan’s tightly, as if he thinks if he lets go Dan will just fade away into nothingness.

_And maybe he should_.

“You can’t lose me if you never had me,” Dan’s eyes are downcast.

Phil’s jaw actually drops a little bit. “Dan, I knew you weren’t feeling too great lately, but this is extreme. You can’t really be saying what I think you’re saying.”

_He isn’t, of course he fucking isn’t_. He’s _so_ in love with Phil that every second of this fight is ripping Dan’s insides to shreds. But he can’t respond to Phil, can’t lie, can’t tell the truth either. So Dan switches tactics.

“Whatever, Phil. Listen, you’re obviously too deluded to realise the truth, so I’m just going to leave okay?”

“Please don’t leave,” Phil’s hands squeeze Dan’s even tighter. Dan rips his hands away.

“If I stay you’re going to keep thinking that I actually care about you,” Dan scoffs.

“If you leave, I’m afraid that you’re never going to come back,” Phil says. Dan was sure that he knew what heartbreak felt like when they broke up for the first time years ago, but that is nothing compared to now. If their breakup had felt like Dan’s heart was being ripped out, this moment feels like somebody is tearing it up into little fragments and burning them. It takes his entire being to muster up the courage to lie like he does next.

“Phil, bloody hell, get it into your head – I’m never going to love you,” Dan shook his head and turns away. Walking away from Phil feels like wading through hot, oozing lava, and he doesn’t know how he manages to do it. He can hear sniffling coming from Phil behind him, can imagine Phil’s face with tears rolling down it. He thinks about it outside of the pub, and he thinks about it in the taxi, and he thinks about it on the stairs in his apartment, and he thinks about it when he hears Phil in his room much, much later in the night, and he thinks about it until he can’t bear to think any more.

* * *

* * *

 

The next morning is absolute hell. Dan doesn’t get out of bed until 12, and that’s late even for him. Phil is already up and about – the walls between their rooms are very thin, and Dan can hear him setting up camera equipment. He had almost expected to hear Phil crying last night, but there was only silence.

Dan grimaces and finally pulls himself out of bed. He can’t hide forever, as much as he would really like to. In fact, he’d like more than anything for last night to just not have happened at all, but Dan knew in his heart that the night couldn’t have gone any other way. He just couldn’t be with Phil, not in the way they both wanted. It isn’t that Dan doesn’t want Phil, of course he fucking does, how could he not? But Phil is just far too good for Dan. Dan’s a depressed, clingy, empty shell of a person, and he would only drag Phil down. If Phil was the sun, Dan was the night sky – lurking, waiting for the sun to disappear and darken the world. He doesn’t want to risk enveloping the sun with his darkness too.

“Dan?” Phil knocks on Dan’s door and tentatively opens it. “Dan, are you awake?”

Dan’s heart almost leaps out of his chest.

“Um, yeah?” Dan replies. “Come in.”

Phil steps inside, but only just barely. He meets Dan’s eyes straight on, a bravery only Phil could have in this situation.

“D’ya have the spare camera lens?” Phil asks.

“What?”

“The spare camera lens. The main one’s still being repaired.”

“Oh, right,” Dan shakes his head. _How the fuck is Phil so composed_? Dan genuinely feels like jumping out of the nearest window. But instead of that, Dan walks to his desk and picks up the spare camera lens, and then gives it to Phil.

“Thanks,” Phil says flatly, and then leaves.

And that was all.

That’s how most of their interactions go for the next two weeks: bare minimum contact. Phil certainly doesn’t act like he has a broken heart, and so Dan begins to believe that maybe he doesn’t have one. It’s not like Phil put up much of a fight when Dan left him at the pub, anyway. _Maybe Phil isn’t really that into him_.

And so they went, stoic and depressed for the next fortnight. Until Christmas Eve.

* * *

* * *

The Christmas tree is up, tinsel lines the walls, and there is a light dusting of snow coating the windows. It has the potential to be the most Christmassy Christmas so far, but Dan had ruined that possibility two weeks earlier. In fact, it has the potential to be the most perfect Christmas so far, since Phil’s parents are in Florida and his brother with his girlfriend’s family, and Dan’s family are in Dubai.

Dan slouches lower into his sofa crease. _Yeah_. _Perfect time to break Phil’s heart, Dan_.

There is a second of tense silence as Phil enters the living room with a gift in his hands. It is wrapped up terribly, in true Phil fashion – the man just can’t wrap (or rap) in any sense of the word – and has a lopsided bow on top.

“Merry Christmas?” Phil says it tentatively, as if he doesn’t know what response to expect.

“Merry Christmas,” Dan replies softly. Phil visibly relaxes as he walks closer to Dan.

“You know, I wasn’t sure if I should even give you this after what happened,” Phil sighed. “But we’re best friends first and whatever else second. And I’d like to keep being best friends, if that’s all right with you.”

That is a total lie. They were never just best friends, they were always more, creeping over that line in the subtlest of ways. But if _just friends_ are what they have to be for this to work, then _just friends_ are what they’re going to be.

Dan remained as expressionless as he possibly could (which is pretty hard for him, considering his expressive nature). “Sure.”

Phil looks so happy Dan is positive he would light up the room if the lights were switched off.

“I’m really happy you’ve said that, Dan,” Phil sits down next to him.

“I’m glad we’re _friends_ again,” Dan smiles.

“Like we ever weren’t.”

_It came damn close, though_.

“It didn’t come close,” Phil says. _Fuck, had Dan said that out loud_? “We’ll be friends through thick and thin.”

“Even if I throw more Monopoly hotels at your head?” Dan smirks.

“Hmm, that might be a deal breaker,” Phil shrugs. Dan swings a pillow at Phil’s face.

“Aaah!” Phil huffs. “Still softer than a Monopoly hotel. Fluffier. More accommodating.”

There’s a moment of comfortable silence, before Phil breaks it. _Why does he keep doing that_? “But I feel like we should maybe talk about-”

He knows what Phil’s about to say. “I don’t think we really have to talk about it, Phil,” Dan cuts him off.

“... Okay,” Phil says. Dan thinks Phil is just trying anything to not upset Dan again. _Phil’s really good at covering up his true emotions in order to protect someone else_.

There’s a tense silence as neither of them know what to do or say next. But Phil, being the better person he is, looks down at his present and beams. He shakes it slightly and holds the gift up to his ear. “A bit of rattling. Is it filled with bees?”

Dan cracks a slight smile. “Maybe. But wouldn’t they make an angry buzzing noise?”

“Maybe they’re sleeping. Or just very quiet bees,” Phil counters. “If I were a beekeeper, I’d want quiet bees.”

“Phil, bloody hell, open your present.”

“Right!”

Phil delicately unravels the perfect bow and unwraps the _DanandPhilShop.com_ wrapping paper. “I can’t believe you used our own wrapping paper.”

“Well, when you think about it, it’s really the most appropriate wrapping paper. And the only one we have.”

Phil shakes his head and removes the last sheet of paper. “Oh my God!” He looks amazed at the giant chocolate lion inside. “I almost can’t eat this, it’s too majestic and lionistic! I’m going to get so fat.”

“That was my intention. I thought it would make me look more attractive to the Phangirls,” Dan smiles.

“You’re already the more attractive one to the Phangirls. And Phanboys,” Phil adds.

“I don’t know why,” Dan mutters. Phil furrows his brow but doesn’t comment on it.

“Open yours!”

Almost reluctantly, Dan tears away the badly wrapped paper. When he sees what’s inside he wants to cry and laugh at the same time.

“Are you – are you serious. Holy fuck, Phil.”

It’s a Phil Trash #1 t-shirt, with the text in Comic Sans and a never-before-seen Phil selfie printed on the back.

“I thought that you’d appreciate the meme,” Phil shrugs. Of course he would have had to get this custom made. _Damn Phil and his eternal thoughtfulness_.

"I do,” Dan says, and without thinking, Phil leans in to hug him. The two embrace for a blissful moment, before Dan remembers the horrible mess they’re in and peels away gently.

But Phil keeps leaning in. Before Dan even knows it, Phil has his lips pressed to Dan’s. And before Phil even knows it, Dan has pushed him off.

“ _Phil_! What the hell were you thinking!?” Dan cries. Phil’s lips had barely even touched Dan’s, calling it a proper kiss was a bit of a stretch, but Dan’s lips still tingled. _Damn Phil and his ridiculously good kissing_.

“Ah – wait – I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about it, it just felt right and-” Phil keeps rambling on in the background, whilst Dan sits in shock. _Is the room spinning, or is it just his head_?

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan says, _even though he is most certainly worrying about it_. “Let’s just forget it, okay?”

“Sure,” Phil says. “If that’s what you really want.”

Dan pauses. And then it all comes flooding out.

“ _No_ , Phil, of course I don’t want to bloody forget it. I’ve don’t want to forget any moment I’ve ever had with you. But you’re, well, _you_ , and I’m just me, and we would never work! And we’d have to come out to the entire bloody internet, too, and the Phangirls would freak the fuck out, and – Jesus, Phil, we can’t keep doing this.”

_Why the fuck does he keep exploding like this_? _Has he kept his sick, depressed mind to himself for too long, and now it’s trying to break free_? _Can he not stand to live so close to Phil and not express his dark thoughts_? _Is he trying to darken and corrupt Phil’s sunny disposition_? _He doesn’t know for sure, but he does know that he’s fifty shades of fucked up right now, and has been for a while_.

When Dan finally looks up, resigned, Phil is just staring at him with an expression Dan doesn’t recognise. Then, he slowly speaks. “What do you mean that I’m me and you’re just you?”

“You’re bloody Phil Lester. You’re too good for me. You always have been,” Dan says.

Phil takes Dan’s hands in his. He opens his mouth and bites his lower lip a few times, as if he’s not quite sure what to say.

Dan takes this as confirmation of his own conclusion.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Dan sighs and pulls his hands away from Phil’s. “Listen, Phil, I don’t want to hurt you, so-”

“The only way you could hurt me is by thinking I’m too good for you!” Phil blurts out.

Dan freezes. But then he takes a deep breath, and keeps going. “I don’t want to hurt you, so maybe it’s better if we stay apart for a bit.”

Phil recoils as if he’s been slapped. “Even if you think that’s a good idea for us, as a cou – as people, it’s not plausible. We work together.”

“We’ll keep working together. We just won’t see each other outside of work.”

“Dan, please don’t.”

But Dan leaves the living room anyway. “I’ll check into a hotel on the 26th.”

It’s the second time he’s left Phil behind – waiting, wanting, not knowing.

***

Sometime in the middle of the night, Dan wakes up and freezes. He can feel it. There’s somebody in his room.

Well, he doesn’t know that for sure, so he opens his eyes and – _oh fuck_ there is most definitely somebody in his room. There’s a dark shape hovering near the end of his bed.

_He swears to God, if the supernatural are trying to punish him for being a horrible human being he’ll – well, he’ll have deserved it, but he’ll still be quite pissed off._

“Phil?” Dan calls out meekly. His eyes are adjusting to the darkness now.

“Nope,” it responds. That’s definitely a female voice, and she sounds very familiar. Dan shoots up in bed.

“Then who the fuck – Louise?”

“Right!” Louise, aka SprinkleofGlitter, responds. Dan hears the sound of her snapping her fingers and, all of a sudden, the lights turn on. “Hey Dan!”

“Louise, what the actual fuck are you doing standing at the end of my bed like you’re about to murder me? You’re not actually about to murder me, are you?” _Oh God, he probably deserved it._

Louise snorts. “No, do you really think Phil would let me murder you?”

Dan remains silent. He’s really not sure about that right now, to be honest.

“Aw, come on, Dan, you can’t think that Phil really hates you that much. I think it might be quite the opposite, actually,” Louise smiles, but it’s ever so slightly off.

“Honestly after what I did to him I wouldn’t blame him – hold on, you still haven’t told me why the fuck you’re here?” Dan sits up and then becomes very aware of the fact that he’s wearing nothing but black silk boxers. He quickly tugs his duvet up to his neck.

“I’m here to prove to you that Phil doesn’t hate you. He never has,” Louise shrugs. “Although maybe you should put some clothes on before we get started on that.”

Dan cringes and looks away. “Did Phil call you?”

“Huh?” Louise looks confused for a moment, before continuing. “I don’t really know. I don’t think so. I think I’m just supposed to show you how much Phil used to love you.”

_Used to._

“What?” At this point, Dan is just emotionally exhausted and really fucking confused. “What do you mean you ‘don’t know’?”

“I was just sent.”

“Yeah, okay, but sent by _whom_?”

Louise shrugs again.

“You’re not Louise, are you.” It’s not a question. Dan doesn’t believe in the supernatural, but his heart skips a beat because he doesn’t know what other conclusion to jump to.

“Nope,” the thing that looks like Louise says, popping the _p_. “I just look like her. I’m what you would call the Ghost of Christmas Past, Dan, and I’m here to show you Phil Lester.”


	2. Caramel Macchiato Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan is dragged to the past, which dredges up some old feelings that he'd rather stay buried...

 “Okay. This is a fucked up dream. I’m going back to bed,” Dan says, but he doesn’t move a muscle. The ghost just stares at him, waiting. 

   “You can’t wake up when you’re not dreaming, Dan,” she says. “I thought you were a little smarter than that.” Dan pauses for a second. There’s no way this is really happening. 

* * *

 

   But if it is... “Phil!” There’s no response. 

   “Phil can’t hear you,” she says. “To the rest of the world, you’re still asleep.” 

   “Then this is a dream,” Dan concludes. 

   The ghost just sighs. “I’m going to skip talking about the logistics of all of this, because for one, I don’t really know much, and for another, I get the feeling you’ll never shut up about it. So let’s move on.” 

   Dan blinks. “You are definitely not Louise.” 

   “Nope.” 

   But he isn’t sure what else to call her, so Louise it is. The two stare at each other for a moment. Dan can’t actually believe that this is happening. Well, if it is happening. It might be a crazy dream? He honestly can’t tell right now. What he does know is that his heart is beating fast, his hair is curling slightly from sweat, and there’s a cool breeze drifting in from the open window. It certainly feels real. _Hang on, why is the window open_? 

   “Did you climb through the bloody window?” Dan exclaims. 

   “Nope,” Louise says. Dan internally sighs in relief. “But that’s the way we’re leaving.” 

    _What!_? 

   “C’mon,” Louise says, holding out her hand towards Dan. Dan just stares at it.

   “If you’re a ghost, won’t my hand just go right through you?” 

   Louise rolls her eyes. “Don’t be stupid, Dan. Just hurry up and take my hand.”

   “What if I don’t want to?” Dan hesitates. Of course he doesn’t want to take the ghosts hand and _fly out of the window to explore Christmases past_. What the _fuck_ is even happening right now? 

   “You don’t have much of a choice,” Louise shrugs. Something about the way she says that sends shivers down Dan’s spine. And without even thinking about it, Dan’s hand reaches out for Louise’s. Like it’s not under his control anymore.

   “Hey wait _what are you doing!_?” He’s talking to his own hand now. He’s definitely gone crazy. When his hand touches Louise’s, she pulls him to his feet. The cold air scrapes against his skin and makes him shudder. “Can I at least get changed first?” Dan asks. 

   Louise’s eyes travel up and down Dan’s pale body, and then she laughs. He can’t help but feel a little self-conscious at that, and his cheeks flush red.

   “Okay, fine. But hurry up, we’ve got a deadline,” she chuckles. Dan thinks that the deadline sounds absolutely terrifying, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he just pulls on his pair of All Saints skinny jeans, his black thermal shirt, and some black Converse that were all lying on the floor. At first, he thinks it’s a bit weird that Louise is watching him get dressed, but then, it’s not _really_ Louise, is it? Just someone – or _something_ – that looks like her. _Actually, that doesn’t really make him feel better at all_. 

   “I still don’t...” Dan trails off. _Understand? Want to do this? Know why this is happening_? 

   “It doesn’t really matter, in the grand scheme of the universe, whether you do this or not, right?” She says. “That’s how you think. So stop being difficult.” 

   She’s a sarcastic twat. They might actually get along. _Oh, for fuck’s sake, Dan, you don’t need to befriend your own hallucination. Or a ghost. Perhaps he’s in a Sims game right now, being controlled by Dil, and he’s talking to a Sims ghost_. His mind is spinning, trying to search for explanations, but none of them make any sense. _A Sims game? Really, Dan_? 

   “Come on, hurry up,” Louise says, grabbing Dan’s arm forcefully. “We can’t stay here all night.” 

   “Well _actually_ I’d quite like to stay here all ni – HEY!” The ghost that looks like Louise is a whole lot stronger than she looks, and without any hesitation she spins Dan around and shoves him out of the open window. 

   Dan is about halfway through a high-pitched scream when he realises that he isn’t free-falling through the air and stops screaming abruptly. Smooth. He’s... _flying_? No, he’s not quite actively flying, more like gliding quickly through the brisk London night air. 

   “What the hell?” Dan says, but any other comments he had thought up get lodged in his throat. There are a million twinkling lights flashing on and off below him, and a million more shiny brightly against the indigo blanket of the sky. This definitely can’t be a dream; he knows that now. There’s no way that his mind could ever produce something this beautiful. 

   Louise is back beside him now, totally calm, like she’s done this a thousand times before. “What’s wrong, Howell? Never flown over London before?” 

   He scoffs. _No, never quite like this_. He wasn’t even cold, even though he was high up above the tallest skyscrapers, and the wind was battering his face and scattering his fringe in all directions. 

   “Well, you might want to get used to it,” she continues. “We’ve got a long journey ahead of us.” 

   “Where are we going?” Dan asks, despite his fear of the answer. Louise just smirks. 

   “Trust me. You’ll recognise it.” 

* * *

* * *

   It’s a long time before either of them speaks again. 

   “We’re almost here,” Louise says gently, waking Dan up from – not a slumber, but something akin to that. A passive, dormant consciousness. All he knows that it must have taken at least a few hours to get wherever they are, because the dark night sky has lightened and brightened to a brilliant azure shade.

   “Where?” Dan asks groggily, dragging his eyes away from the clouds and towards the ground. He’s almost afraid to look, to be honest, but all he sees are generic roads and buildings. Cars beep their horns as people attempt to get to work on time; school children run amok in the playgrounds; and office workers are already deep into their work day. 

   “Here.” As Louise speaks, she and Dan begin to slow down and descend towards the ground. He’s so beyond questioning how they’re managing to fly.

   They land carefully on the pavement outside of a huge building, and absolutely nobody seems to notice that two people actually just descended from the sky. _Are they invisible? Like ghosts?_ He doesn’t get the chance to ask that question before Louise speaks up. 

   “You know where we are,” Louise says. It’s not a question. 

   “Manchester train station,” Dan says, nodding slowly as he looks around. 

   “What are you waiting for?” 

   “What?”

   “Go inside,” Louise prompts, giving him a little shove. 

   “Hey,” Dan groans, but doesn’t protest too much. He walks inside of the building, Louise right behind him. It looks like it always does – crowded with miserable people going to work, and with loved ones reuniting on the platforms. Both scenarios made Dan feel depressed. 

   He turns to Louise. “You know, if you really are an all-powerful supernatural being, you have a terrible sense of storytelling.” 

   “What?” Louise asks, shooting him a glare so _un-Louise like_ it made Dan feel downright uncomfortable.

    “A train station isn’t exactly dramatic, is it?” Dan shakes his head. “Could’ve picked somewhere more exciting.” 

   Louise rolls her eyes. “For somebody who comes across smart in his videos, you’re incredibly dense, Howell,” she says. 

   “And why is that?” Dan raises an eyebrow. 

   “Look at _when_ we are.” 

   Dan narrows his eyes. “What?” 

   And then he catches sight of the huge clock on the wall to the side of him. It shows the time and date in this place at this moment. And this moment is apparently _October 19th, 2009. Oh, fuck_. 

   “This... isn’t...” Dan breathes out. His body trembles. He knows this isn’t a dream now, just _fucking knows it_ , and he knows this thing that’s dressed as Louise is intent on torturing him. 

   “Come on, Howell, we just flew through the air from London to Manchester and you think time travel is where to draw the line?” In the midst of his anxiety, his depression, his angst, and his heart-wrenching loneliness, Dan can’t help but feel the tiniest bit excited. Excited, because this is the day he first met Phil. Excited, because this was the day he pretty much fell head over heels in love with Phil. And then he had to go and ruin it all. 

   “Aren’t you supposed to be the Ghost of Christmas Past or whatever? I hate to be the one to tell you, but this isn’t quite Christmas,” Dan stares at her. 

   Louise shrugs. “It’s Christmas in the present, and I’m taking you to the past. It’s close enough. Besides, it’s cold enough out here that it may as well be Christmas,” she says. 

   Well, even if Dan doesn’t agree with her at all, there’s really nothing he can do about it seeing as she’s an _all-powerful supernatural being and is completely in charge of the entire situation_. 

   “Hang on, I can’t quite see where you and Phil are,” Louise shakes her head. “Oh fuck, this is the right date and time, isn’t it? I’m so going to get fired if I fuck this up.” 

   Dan really does not want to question just where she would get fired from. “It’s the right date and time,” Dan confirms. “I should be coming off that train that just pulled in, uh, right now.” 

   “Thank God,” Louise lets out a sigh of relief. 

   “Does that mean God exists?” Dan raises an eyebrow, but Louise just snorts.

   “Nice try. Now, let’s go meet you. I hope you had an embarrassing haircut, or like a terrible fashion sense.” 

   Dan cringes. “I kind of had both.” 

   “Oh, this is going to be _gooooood_ ,” Louise smirks. 

   It’s like Dan isn’t even in control of his legs, because he just instinctively starts walking towards where he vaguely remembers getting off. It was so long ago, he thinks it’s maybe... somewhere... around here? Oh, sweet Jesus on a fucking bicycle. He sees himself step off the train, backpack slung over one shoulder – all the cool kids one-shouldered it back then – and small suitcase in his other hand, trailing behind him. His anxiety paints itself clearly all across younger Dan’s face and body. This time six years ago, a million thoughts were racing through his head, and though Dan doesn’t remember them all clearly right now, some have stuck with him through the years. _What if Phil isn’t as nice in real life as he is on the internet? What if he doesn’t like Dan? What if he thinks that Dan is ugly? Or a total loser_? And the last one, the loudest thought dominating his mind: _what if Dan is just a colossal disappointment to Phil_? Younger Dan hesitates for a moment, not quite sure where to go. He looks around for Phil, expression bearing a striking resemblance to a lost puppy. And then he hears him. 

   “Dan?” Both versions of Dan turn to look to their right, where Phil is standing. Phil’s eyes light up as he spots younger Dan, and within a second he’s rushing over to him, rushing right past older Dan, so close that Dan’s hair moves in the breeze. His deep brown eyes follow Phil’s fast walk, almost a run, towards his younger self. All thoughts of doubt clouding younger Dan’s mind disappear instantly when the very first thing Phil does is wrap Dan up in the biggest hug he’s ever had. 

   Dan isn’t close enough right now to hear what they say to each other, but of course he remembers the very first thing Phil ever said to him in real life: “I feel like I’ve been waiting for this day for forever.” 

   And Dan’s own timid response: “Me too.” 

   Dan is hit with such a harsh wave of nostalgia that he’s almost knocked over. _This is all too much_ , he thinks. But there’s nothing he can do to avoid going through the rest of what the ghost has planned for him. 

   “I can’t hear them. Let’s get closer!” Louise prompts. She looks much more excited than Dan feels. In fact, Dan just kind of feels sick. So Dan stands rigid, not able to move closer, not even if he wanted to. Meeting Phil in person for the first time had been the most nerve-wracking day of his life, and it’s happening all over again. And, of course, it was one of the best days of his life, too, but...

   “What’s wrong?” Louise asks. 

   Dan swallows the lump in his throat. “Nothing,” he says, his voice hoarse. And then again, louder: “Nothing.” 

   “Then come on,” Louise tugs on Dan’s sleeve, pulling him forward. Dan pulls back. 

   “Won’t they see me?” he asks hesitantly. 

   “Nope,” Louise shakes her head. “You’re here, but you’re not really here. I don’t really know how to explain it.” 

   “Some spiritual guide you are,” Dan scoffs sarcastically. Louise cracks a smile. 

   “All right, I’ll give it a shot. You’re here, but like, you’re not really here. You’re present, but you’re not noticeable. You’re not _invisible_ , per say, people just won’t pay attention to you at all. They won’t hear you, and they won’t really see you. And nothing you do here will have any impact on the future.” 

   Dan nods, letting Louise guide him closer. 

   “... so happy to finally meet you in person, as opposed to just stalking you on the internet,” he hears himself say. Or rather, the younger version of himself says it. 

   “Phil?” Present Dan asks, his voice strong and clear. But Phil doesn’t turn around. 

   “You’re invisible to everyone here, remember?” Louise says, placing her hand on Dan’s shoulder. 

   “Yeah, I just...” Dan trails off. They are _way too close_ now. He can see every single excruciating detail of the 2009 versions of him and Phil, down to Phil’s ruffled black hair – newly dyed in a darker shade of black to impress Dan (Phil had told him that later on), and ruffled because Dan just couldn’t resist messing with Phil’s perfect hair. He can see his own hair under his ridiculous hat, too long for his current liking and curled slightly from sweating. He’d worn that ugly plaid shirt that day because it was the only one he could find in his house, and because he’d seen that Phil wore a lot of plaid shirts in his videos. So, he wanted Phil to like him. Was that so wrong? _Yes_ , he thinks. _Because he still wants that in 2015. And in 2015, it’s all gone so, so wrong_. 

“I’m so happy to meet you too!” Phil responds. “Though it’s not really stalking if your stalkee likes it.” 

   Young Dan and actual Dan both flush the same shade of red. Oh God, he almost forgot how flirty Phil used to be. _He still would be if you let him be_ , Dan thinks, but he shoves that thought way to the back of his mind. 

   “So, what do you want to do here in good old Manchester?” Phil asks. 

   “Oh god,” Dan bites his lip. “I hadn’t even thought about anything beyond meeting you, to be honest. I’m not even really sure what there is to do around here.” 

   “No problem,” Phil smiles slowly. “I can show you around.” 

   Dan, watching his younger self, remembers the intense urge he had at that moment to grab Phil’s hand and say, “Take me anywhere.” But he didn’t. He wasn’t entirely sure back then exactly how Phil felt about him, so he had held back. Instead, he just says, “All right.” 

   “Are you hungry?” Phil says, casually turning to walk out of the train station. He picks up Dan’s suitcase and gestures for him to follow. “There’s a Starbucks nearby.” 

   “Sure,” Dan nods. The two walk to the Starbucks, about ten minutes away. Some people have awkward silences when they meet new people, but with Phil, it wasn’t like that for a single second. They’d been talking for a while on the internet, but they never ran out of things to say to each other. Dan, a highly introverted and closed off person, had no problem opening up and talking about literally anything with Phil, from trees to the latest Muse album. The one and only topic they steered clear of was talk about relationships, you know, for obvious reasons. 

   “I honestly think they would be capable of talking over the world if they weren’t dying out. Anyway, what are you getting?” Phil asked, interrupting their conversation about bees. 

   “Dunno,” Dan says. “I don’t really come to Starbucks that often. What are you getting?” 

   Phil smiles. “Can I order for you then?” 

   “Sure, go ahead,” Dan shrugs. Older Dan doesn’t quite hear what Phil says to the cashier, but he knows what the order is anyway. It’s iconic amongst the Phans. 

   “So, ah...” Phil trails off. 

   “Caramel macchiato?” Dan asks. “Sounds interesting.” 

   “It’s my favourite drink,” Phil shrugs. 

   “If you like it, I’ll probably like it too,” Dan smiles broadly. 

   “This is adorable,” Louise pipes up. “Caramel macchiato love.” 

   “Shut up,” Dan mutters, but he doesn’t really have the energy to come up with a more creative comeback than that. Louise grins. 

   “It’s so cute, c’mon, admit it.” 

   Dan continues to frown, and mutters, “Whatever.” 

   “Well, what do you say we fast forward this and move on?” Louise offers. “Like I said, got a deadline.” 

   “How the hell are deadlines relevant when you can time travel?” Dan counters. 

   Louise purses her lips. “Uh... that’s... classified?” Dan rolls his eyes. “All right, come on, let’s go,” she says, grabbing Dan’s hand and leading him out of the Starbucks. He takes one last look at his younger self and Phil; he’s just taken his first sip of the caramel macchiato. The whipped cream on top smudges on Phil’s nose as he drinks, and Dan laughs cheerfully as he reaches up to delicately wipe it off with his finger. Phil laughs too and bashfully looks down, almost colliding with some random man as he does so. Despite himself, Dan can’t help but smile at the scene playing out before his eyes just as he remembers it. 

   “Dan? You ready?” Louise asks. 

   “Yeah,” Dan says. And then they’re off again, floating into the sky to get to their next destination. 

* * *

* * *

   The next place they landed was the Apple store in Manchester city centre, which was the next thing Dan and Phil did that day anyway – this was back when it was cool to just hang out in Apple stores, be on MySpace, take photos, and generally piss of the Genius staff. It was busy in the store, but Dan and Louise found Dan and Phil pretty easily.

   As Dan gets more confident over the duration of the day, Phil seems to get shyer. Dan’s witty – and sometimes flirty – comments make Phil blush, and claw and bite playfully at Dan’s neck and shoulders when he doesn’t know how to respond. They’re generally messing about in the store: Dan typing in dodgy porn websites on the internet whilst Phil blushed profusely, Dan typing emails to random people on the mail app, Dan – okay, Dan is really the one messing about, but Phil is clearly enjoying it. His smile hasn’t left his face since he first saw Dan at the train station.

   After getting more than a few disapproving glares from the staff, Dan and Phil decide that maybe it’s time to leave before they get kicked out. Dan turns to leave the store, but he notices that Phil isn’t following him.

   “Wait!” Phil says, hovering over the Macbook. “We should at least take a photo here. To commemorate the day. We can share it with our subscribers!”

   Dan walks over to behind Phil and stares at the mirror image of himself on PhotoBooth. He begins to fix his hair when all of a sudden Phil clicks the button too early and – click! – the computer takes the picture.

   “Phil!” Dan moans. “That’s the first ever photo we take together and I’m fixing my hair?”

   “Sorry!” Phil giggles. “Hold on, we can take another one.” Dan rolls his eyes, but smiles and then leans in closer to the Macbook and Phil. Phil hesitates to press the button, and without ever thinking about it, Dan leans in much closer and puts his arm around Phil. _Click!_ The photo appears on screen. Dan looks nervously at Phil, and Phil looks pleasantly shocked at the appearance of Dan’s arm around his shoulders.

   “Maybe we should keep this one for ourselves. We can share the other one,” Phil says. Dan smiles and nods, saving the photo before they leave the store.

   “Come on, I am really looking forward to the next place on our list,” Louise smiles and turns to leave the store. Dan gulps, because he knows _exactly_ what the next place is. 

* * *

* * *

   “The Apple store wasn’t one of the more interesting parts of your first day together, to be honest,” Louise says. 

   “That’s your opinion,” Dan bites back. “I think it was all pretty interesting.”

   “Whatever you say,” Louise smirks. “But I think you’ll find where we’re going next is just a little bit more interesting.” 

   Dan looks down and freezes. “ _No way_ ,” he says softly. 

   “Did you really think we would avoid this part?” Louise asks in a tone of voice that implies that she’s enjoying this way more than she should be. 

   “Yeah, I was hoping,” Dan says as they land on the ground. He’s used to it by now, and he knows exactly where to look for the younger versions of himself and Phil this time. He looks just beyond Louise, to the couple at the front of the line for the Manchester Eye. He remembers October 19th, 2009, like it was yesterday. He remembers every detail perfectly, or at least he thought he did. 

   But standing here now, and seeing his 19-year-old self, he knows that he missed a lot of details. He missed the intense way Phil stared at him, and he knows that, because he’s seeing it right now. His stomach twists with nerves, like he’s really 19 years old all over again and waiting to get on the Manchester Eye and thinking about how all he wants to do is kiss this gorgeous ball of sunshine standing beside him. 

   “Do you want to get closer?” Louise asks. 

   Dan just nods silently. He’s still staring straight ahead, at his younger self – who leans in close to Phil to whisper something in his ear – and then Phil laughs, not the same laugh as his old Phil, but a quieter laugh, like he’s nervous, and Phil playfully slaps younger Dan’s chest. Dan’s not close enough to hear what they’re saying, but he knows that Phil says “stop it!” through an enormous, radiating smile, and younger Dan just smirks and carries on teasing him. 

   “Let’s get on,” Louise says. She pulls Dan towards his younger self and younger Phil, and they step onto the Manchester Eye pod behind them. Just like six years ago, the [same goddamn song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqVkLYbUjnI&list=LLPMMye9qbLXnV0u7xi_xxNA&index=20) runs through his mind, perfectly encapsulating the moment. 

   “The view of Manchester from up here is quite nice,” Phil says. It seems like almost no time has passed at all, and now they’re at the top of the Eye. 

    _Not as nice as the view in here_ , Dan remembers thinking. He almost said it out loud six years ago, but he held back. Instead, younger Dan just responds with, “Yeah.” 

   Younger Dan stares at Phil. They’re very close together. It would be the perfect time to kiss him, right at the top of the Eye. Romantic as fuck, honestly. But he doesn’t. A small smile creeps its way onto Dan’s face as he focuses on Phil’s face. Instead of gazing at the stars up above, or the streets of Manchester down below, he’s just looking at Dan, a wishful expression on his face. 

   After a moment, his eyes turn downcast, like the sky just after a storm, disappointment brewing when he realises that Dan isn’t going to kiss him. 

   “You should’ve just kissed him,” Louise pipes up. “You missed the perfect opportunity, you twat!” 

   “You haven’t seen the best part yet,” Dan smiles, keeping his eyes on Phil.

   There’s an almost awkward silence for the first time that day as the Manchester Eye pod begins its descent. Dan and Phil had been non-stop talking all day since they first met in person, but now is different. 

   “Where should we go after this?” Phil asks, almost tentatively. 

   “Isn’t there a Skybar around here somewhere?” Younger Dan suggests. “The view supposed to be really pretty at this time of day.” 

   “Sounds great, it’s not too far away,” Phil says, a hint of disappointment in his voice. 

   The pod reaches the bottom of the Eye. And then younger Dan realises something. If he doesn’t kiss Phil now, it’ll be the stupidest thing anyone has ever done, ever. His mind flashes back again to _Final Fantasy VII_ , and, well, there aren’t any fireworks going off right now, but he’ll make do. Because for the first time today his mind feels clear and he knows _exactly_ what he’s going to do. 

   “Skybar it is, then,” Phil says, and turns away from Dan towards the pod door. It slides open, and he’s just about to step outside, when - 

   “Phil,” Younger Dan says, his voice breaking slightly. Phil turns back around, lips parting slightly when he sees Dan’s face. Younger Dan pulls Phil safely back into the pod just as it lifts up from the ground again. They both giggle at the angry attendant yelling at them for taking another ride, but they’re rising higher and higher away from her. Then they both look up, away from her, and discover how close together they’re standing. 

   “Dan, why did you-” Phil never get the chance to finish that sentence. Dan is far too quick, putting his hand on the back of Phil’s neck and leaning up ever so slightly to kiss Phil. Phil doesn’t even hesitate – he kisses Dan back with _endless_ enthusiasm, tangling his long fingers in Dan’s hair. 

   “How’s that for romantic?” Dan says to Louise, a bitter tone in his voice. He finally looks away from his younger self and Phil. 

   “Okay. I’ll admit. That was cuter than kissing him at the top,” Louise finally speaks back up again. Then she looks at Dan. “Hey, what happened to your smile?” 

   “This was a ‘fun trip down memory lane’,” Dan says, “but what the hell does this actually have to do with anything?” 

   Louise scoffs. “I’m not finished yet, dumbass.” More words Dan definitely doesn’t want to hear. “Come on. Let’s leave these two lovebirds alone,” Louise smirks. “For now, at least. I kind of want to see what happens next.” 

   Dan remembers what happens next clearly in his mind. But there’s something about actually being here, and seeing it all happen again from a new perspective, that’s just... _intoxicating_. So he grabs ahold of Louise’s hand, without her having to force him, without even offering yet. She gives him a questioning look. 

   “I still don’t see the point of this,” Dan mutters, attempting to cover up his interest and failing miserably. 

   “You’ll work it out,” Louise says slowly. “You’ll have to.” 

* * *

* * *

   It only takes a few minutes for them to fly to the next destination. _Time must not be proceeding as usual_ , Dan thinks, _because there’s no way the younger Dan and Phil made it to the Skybar by walking before Dan and Louise got there by flying_. He’s still not sure how all of this flying and time travelling really works, but he’s stopped questioning the situation by now. He’s too wrapped up in remembering the past. Thinking about how incredibly quickly Dan fell in love with Phil. 

   By now, Dan’s used to Louise’s instructions and general bossiness, so as soon as they land on the ground, Dan walks into the Skybar without any of her prompting. It doesn’t take him long to spot himself and Phil despite the crowd – he remembers that they sat at the very back corner, in a booth next to the window already covered with traces of frost in October. His heart swells at the sight of himself and Phil sitting down together, drinks in one hand, other hands intertwined together. He remembers how he only had one drink that night – well, one and a half, since he and Phil shared one together – because he wanted to remember every single detail about his first day with Phil. 

   Dan briefly wonders if this is how Phangirls feel when he and Phil subtly flirt with each other in videos – an unbearable sense of longing for the two to be a happy couple (and if it is, he’s very sorry for causing them this much agony inside). But Dan and Phil can’t be just a happy couple. Dan just can’t do it; he’ll fuck it up like he fucks _everything_ up, and he’ll break Phil’s heart, and there’s no universe in which Phil deserves that. Better to nip romantic feelings in the bud before it’s too late. He almost, for a second, wishes that he had never kissed Phil earlier that day. It would save Phil and him so much pain and heartbreak... but a life without those memories is not a life Dan ever wants to live. Over at the booth, Phil says something hilarious, and Dan says something witty back. Their rapport had been set from day one. Phil breaks out into the most adorable laugh, and buries his head in Dan’s chest. Dan grins, and when Phil raises his head to give younger Dan a kiss on the cheek, Dan has to look away. 

   “I think we should leave them now,” Louise says gently. “If you don’t want to see any more of this ridiculous adorableness, that is.” 

   He doesn’t think he can stomach any more of it right now, honestly. 

   “So what’s next?” Dan asks. He knows there’s more, so much more, in his and Phil’s past together. But he has a feeling that Louise isn’t going to show him what he wants to see. “Are you moving me on to the Ghost of Christmas Present?” 

   Louise lowers her eyes, a pained expression on her face. But she doesn’t say anything. And then, she abruptly brightens up and beams. “Oh no, we’re not done yet,” Louise says. “How could we miss the most important day in internet history?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't forget to comment with your thoughts/opinions, I would really really appreciate it!


	3. "Editing Tips"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil's first day together is almost over, and the sky grows dark. Dan steps back and turns his overactive brain off for a while to just let the past unfold.

   By the time they got back to Phil’s parents house from the Skybar, they were soaking wet from the rain. It was typical miserable English weather, like the sky had been raining down icicles on them. Any effect the minute amount of alcohol might have had at one point was definitely gone by now, sobriety brought on by the sudden and completely expected deluge. 

   Dan and Phil stumble through the front door late that night, still giggling and holding hands, not drunk on alcohol but on each other. _It’s so disgustingly romantic_ , Dan thinks. And yet it felt so right at the time, like they didn’t care about anything else other than being with each other in a warm and dry place.

* * *

 

   “I wish I would have thought to bring an umbrella,” Phil says as he shrugs off his soaking wet jacket. The dark grey material has turned pretty much completely black now. 

   “S’all right,” Dan mumbles, teeth chattering. He quickly pulls off his jacket, but his shirt and jeans are soaked through too. “I didn’t bring one either.” 

   Phil’s eyes drag down Dan’s body, but not in a sexual way – rather, he frowns. “You can wear some of my clothes, they’ll have been in this warm house all day. Your clothes in your suitcase are probably wet as well.” 

   A glance down at Dan’s fabric suitcase totally confirms this. “Thanks,” Dan replies. Phil leads him further into his house, up into his bedroom, and Dan and Louise follow along. 

   As soon as Dan enters Phil’s bedroom, he’s hit with a wave of nostalgia. So many things have changed, but so many things are still the same, even six years later. Even though the walls and carpet are a dull blue and green, Phil has managed to cover every surface in something obnoxiously bright. His bedsheets, Dan notes, are exactly the same ones he still has today, and they’re as vibrant as they day he first got them. Posters and drawings from his fans cover the walls. The _Kill Bill_ poster featuring Uma Thurman looms above his bed, and Dan bites his lip to stop a grin spreading over his face. Thankfully, Louise doesn’t notice. 

   “Let’s see...” Phil says, raking through his closet. “I have these grey sweatpants, and... a plain black t-shirt, socks, and... this hoodie.” As he lists them off, he hands them to Dan. “Are these okay?” 

    _Phew_. Much closer to Dan’s actual style than the ugly plaid shirt he’d chosen to wear today to impress Phil. Honestly, he was surprised that Phil even owned clothes this dull. He probably never wore them, but they still had that Phil smell all the same. 

   “Of course they’re okay,” younger Dan gratefully accepts the clothes and then turns to Phil. “Um... do you have a bathroom I can...?”

   Phil’s cheeks flush a pale pink. “Oh, yeah! Of course! Just down the hall, down the stairs, and to the left.” 

   “You were so bloody awkward back then,” Louise shakes her head. “And bloody cute, too.” Dan rolls his eyes, but doesn’t comment. 

   After younger Dan gets changed, he meets up with Phil again in his bedroom. He feels much more comfortable in his gothic aesthetic. Phil has changed into almost the same thing, just with infinite more colour and – _of course_ – brightly patterned socks. A habit that he would seemingly never grow out of. 

   “It’s quite late,” Phil says. “If you want, I can put your clothes on the radiator and we can just go to bed?” 

   Dan stares at him. After a brief pause, Phil splutters, “Uh! I mean! Not together, _obviously_ , you can sleep in my brother’s bedroom and I can sleep in my bedroom. Separately from you.” 

   Dan just laughs. “I got what you meant, Phil.” And then he leans in close and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist. “But... I kind of don’t want this night to end just yet...” 

   Phil’s breath hitches as Dan leans in closer to his lips. He thinks he knows exactly what Dan’s going to do... But then Dan pulls back, smirking. “We could watch a movie or something?” 

   Phil lets out a huff of air. “Um. Yeah. A movie. Let’s do that.” 

   Dan settles back on Phil’s bed as Phil grabs his laptop, which is covered in stickers as usual. “What do you want to watch?” 

   “Hmm, I don’t mind,” Dan shrugs. Phil leans back carefully against his pillows, next to Dan. His body tenses as Dan leans over him to look at the screen. “What do _you_ want to watch?” 

   “I have a movie in the DVD player right now,” Phil says. “Um...” He checks on the computer. “Oh, it’s _Kill Bill_.” 

   “You really have a thing for that movie.” 

   “It is a really good movie, though.” 

   “All right, it sounds perfect,” Dan yawns and snuggles in closer to the pillows.

   “I can make popcorn?” Phil says, and Dan nods. Phil places his laptop carefully on his bedside table and gets up. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

   It only takes Phil a few minutes to make the popcorn, but by the time he comes back with a large bowl of it, Dan is fast asleep on Phil’s bed. Phil just smiles softly. He places the bowl of popcorn down gently, so as not to make a noise, and then grabs a blanket to drape over younger Dan’s body. He moans and stirs slightly, but he doesn’t wake up. Phil picks up the popcorn and his laptop, and switches off the lights before heading to his brother’s room for the night. 

   Dan stares at his sleeping self. He obviously knew that Phil had put the blanket over him that night – who else could have done it? – but seeing it done so gently... He sighs. 

   “Phil is just the sweetest,” Louise says, her voice shattering the peaceful silence.

   “ _Shh!_ ” Dan hushes her. 

   “They can’t hear us, dumbass,” Louise rolls her eyes. “Remember?”

   “It’s not _about_ them hearing us.” Louise pauses. “Fine,” she whispers. “But since nothing else eventful happens tonight – I’m guessing – I’m just going to take us to the next morning.” 

* * *

 

Dan has never seen the sun rise that fast in his life, but at this point he has stopped being surprised by the laws of time, and space, and possibly physics. They don’t seem to apply to him anymore. 

   Younger Dan and Phil both wake up pretty late, at around 11:30 am. Phil is eating cereal and watching TV in the living room (yes, it was _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_ , as a matter of fact) when Dan comes in. Phil is still in his pyjamas – a flannel shirt with thick blue stripes and matching bottoms, and Dan is still in Phil’s clothes from last night.

   “G’mor’nin’,” Phil mumbles through a mouthful of Shreddies. 

   “Hey,” Dan responds with a shy smile. “Sorry about falling asleep last night.”

   “Don’t worry about it, we had a pretty long and eventful day,” Phil shrugs, and then he grins. “And I got all of the popcorn to myself!” 

   “You didn’t save any for me?” Dan acts offended. “Rude! At least you saved me some cereal.” 

   “Hey, this is _my_ cereal!” Phil clutches the Shreddies box close to his chest, but Dan just smirks and walks over to Phil. 

   “You don’t want to share?” Dan looms over Phil. Phil gives Dan a shy smile.

   “Well... I can exchange you some cereal, for a price.”

   “And what’s the price?”

   “A kiss?” Phil says it nervously, as if the perfect reality of yesterday hadn’t actually been a reality and instead was just a flawless dream. As if he is afraid that Dan has changed his mind. 

   “That’s no problem at all,” Dan smiles and leans down. He pauses, lingering just above Phil’s lips, creating tension in all the right ways... And then he loses his nerve all of a sudden, and darts down and pecks Phil on the cheek. There’s a moment of almost awkward silence before Phil laughs.

   “Okay, fine, here’s the cereal!” He hands Dan the box. 

   “You eat it dry?” Dan feigns disgust. Phil shrugs. But then he stands up, turns off the TV, and gestures for Dan to follow him. 

   “C’mon, kitchen’s this way.” The longer this morning went on without either of them mentioning yesterday’s events, the more it seemed to fade away. Dan follows Phil through to the kitchen, where Phil takes the cereal back and pours Dan some in a bowl with milk. 

   “We’re technically eating cereal for lunch,” Dan notes.

   “Yeah, but I think it should be okay to eat cereal for every meal. I know that I would if I could,” Phil counters. They continue to eat cereal for lunch in a comfortable silence. Once they’re done, and Phil has chucked the bowl into his sink without washing it, in typical Phil fashion, he speaks up. “So, what do you think we should do today?” Phil asks through a mouthful of dry cereal. Dan shrugs. “Well, we have time, so if you want I can show you those, ah, editing tips?” Phil asks. Dan nods and swallows some Shreddies.

   “That sounds like a good idea. I definitely need to learn more.”

   “You must learn from the master, young one,” Phil says in a deep voice and they both laugh. 

   “I think you were trying to quote something, but you didn’t quite get there.”

   Once they’ve finished their cereal, they both get changed into new clothes – Phil in a yellow and black checked shirt and Dan back to his usual all-black attire. They reconvene in Phil’s living room a few minutes later, much more awake than before. Outside the rain continues to batter down on the house; inside they are warm and safe and protected. 

   “I filmed a video a few days ago that I haven’t edited yet. I can go through the process with you, if you want,” Phil says.

   “Sure,” Dan shrugs. It doesn’t sound like the most exciting thing that he could be doing with Phil at the current moment, but at least he actually gets to spend time with Phil. But as Phil pulls up his latest video and starts talking about all the technical details and stuff, Dan can’t help but let his mind drift off to a more interesting subject... namely last night. 

   “So when you’re doing the jump cuts you should-” Phil glances over at Dan, whose eyes are glazed over and his mouth is hanging slightly open. “You’re not paying attention at all, are you.” It wasn’t a question; it’s so glaringly obvious that Dan can barely keep his eyes open.

   “Sorry – yeah – this is really interesting and all, _but..._ ” 

   “We’ve been doing this for a while,” Phil nods, understanding. “Maybe we should take a break?” 

   “Yeah, good idea,” Dan nods in agreement. “We could watch some anime?” 

   Phil begins to agree, but then he stops himself. “ _Or,_ ” he turns to Dan, a huge grin on his face. “We could film a video together.” 

   Dan pauses. “ _Holy shit, that would be amazing!_ ” 

   Phil beams. “Great! I’ll go get my camera and my laptop, and we can film in my room, and-” 

   “Wait, hold on,” Dan puts a hand on Phil’s arm to stop him. “I don’t want you to think that this is why I came here to meet you – just to get more subscribers. That’s not it,” Dan stares up at Phil, who’s now in an awkward crouching position with Dan’s hand still on his arm. 

   “I know, Dan. Besides, I suggested the video idea in the first place,” Phil says. “I know that you just came here because I’m so amazing that you couldn’t resist, right?” 

   Dan grins and lets go of Phil. “They do call you AmazingPhil for a reason,” he says and winks. And there it was – they were back to flirting again, like it was their natural state of being. 

   “All right, my room?” Phil raises an eyebrow and helps Dan up. 

   “Where else?”

   They get to Phil’s room, and he immediately starts setting up the camera while Dan sits on Phil’s bed. Phil’s extremely comfortable bed. Where he slept last night. He turns slightly red.

   “How should we even do this?” Dan pipes up. 

   “What?” Phil doesn’t stop setting up.

   “I mean, what are we going to do? We haven’t planned anything,” Dan says.

   “Oh, good point,” Phil says as he sets up the camera on a stack of books and adjusts the lighting. “I hadn’t really though this far ahead.” 

   “What do you think your subscribers would like to see?” 

   “Hmm.” Phil stops setting up for a second, pausing to think. 

   “What about a porn video?” Dan suggests. 

   “DAN!” Phil splutters. Dan breaks out into contagious laughter, and soon Phil can’t help but giggle along with him. 

   “I’m joking, _I’m joking_ , you idiot!” Dan says through laughter. Though to be fair he probably wouldn’t mind too much if that’s what Phil _really_ wanted to do... 

   After he calms down and can actually breathe again, Phil says, “What about a Q&A video? That might be easier to do than a porno right now.” 

  _Less fun though_ , younger Dan thinks. He debates saying it aloud, but decides against it. Instead, he smiles. “Perfect idea for an impromptu video.” 

   “I can ask my followers on twitter and other places to ask us questions,” Phil says, grabbing his laptop. “It probably won’t take long for them to respond.”

   “We can think of some stuff, too,” Dan says. “Do you have some paper?” Phil types out something on his computer and hits send, and then rustles around in his drawers searching for paper and a pen. Dan begins writing some stuff down instantly.

   “What are you writing?” Phil leans over to see the paper, but Dan leans backwards. 

   “Hold on, this is your Q&A. So you shouldn’t know all of the questions beforehand,” Dan smirks with an evil glint in his eye. 

   “What if they’re really bad?” Phil looks at Dan, worried.

   “Don’t worry, I won’t ask you the really bad ones,” Dan says. “Or maybe I _will,_ and you can teach me how to edit it out later.” Phil smiles and shakes his head.

   “Fine, but they better not be all horrible questions, okay?” 

   “Don’t worry, they won’t be,” Dan says. “These are your fans, remember? They’re all sweet and innocent.” 

   “That’s true. They’re the best fans,” Phil says. Dan reaches over and takes Phil’s laptop. He scrolls through, giggles, and writes down a few things on the sheet of paper, all the while Phil waits patiently for Dan to finish. 

   “Okay. I’m ready,” Dan says, putting down the pen. “Are you?” 

   “I guess so,” Phil says. He reaches over and turns the camera on.

* * *

 

   “Do you have eyelashes?” Dan asks. For the first question, it’s pretty tame, but he wants to ease into the questions – some of them are pretty weird, but they did come from the internet, so... 

   “No,” Phil deadpans. 

   “Ninja or pirate?”

   “Ninja. _Waaaaaahhhh_ ,” Phil says, making a strange gesture with his hands that Dan thinks is supposed to resemble a ninja’s movements. 

   “If you had to lose your leg or your nose, what would you lose?” 

   Phil smiles. “I’d lose my leg. Imagine my face without a nose!” Phil puts his hand over his nose and makes a creepy noise at the camera. 

   “Voldemort has no nose,” Dan says as Phil makes faces at the camera. 

   “I’d look like Voldemort.” 

   “And, Voldemort’s pretty fit to be honest.” 

   “I already look like Voldemort.”

   “I would bang Voldemort.” 

   “ _Harry!_ ” Phil says in a Voldemort-esque voice, and then he hears what Dan has said. He turns around to look at Dan. 

   “Wait, what? You would _bang Voldemort_?” 

   “Only if he looked like you,” Dan winks. 

   “Dan! We’re on camera!” 

   “Yeah, so what? We’re not _live_. We can edit it out later,” Dan smiles at Phil. “I’ll pay attention this time, I promise.” 

   “You better,” Phil says, turning slightly red. “What’s the next question?” 

   “It’s not a question.” 

   “Then what is it?”

   Dan leans in really close to look at the camera. 

   “I am naked right now.” 

   “Oooh,” Phil says. “Maybe you really should be.” 

   “ _Ha ha_ ,” Dan says sarcastically. “I would be, but _unfortunately_ , we’re filming a video right now.”

   “We can _edit it out_ later,” Phil echoes Dan’s earlier words. 

   Dan mock-glares at Phil and continues reading off if the sheet of paper. “Why do you always make cat whiskers on your face?” 

   “D’ya reckon we should do that right now?” 

   “What, draw cat whiskers on our face?” 

   “Yeah. I’ve got a marker right here.” 

   “Why not, this video is already seriously weird.” Phil grabs a sharpie from the top of his dresser. 

   “I can draw it on for you. Hold still.” Phil hovers very close to Dan’s face, staring right into his eyes. “You have a very nice nose.” 

   “Better than Voldemort’s?” 

   Phil giggles. “Much better than Voldemort’s.” He plants a quick kiss on Dan’s nose before gently drawing on the nose and whiskers. 

   “Should I do you now?” Dan asks, once Phil is done. Phil pauses. “Do your _whiskers_ , Phil.” 

   “Oh. _Right_. Yeah,” Phil laughs nervously. Dan draws whiskers on Phil’s face without too much trouble, although the angles were awkward and they were extremely close to each other. Which was very much distracting Dan. 

   “Next question?” 

   “Yeah, right,” Dan glances down at the paper. “Do you use an iron to straighten your hair like Stephen does?”

   “Yes.”

    “ _No_ , okay, Phil has really crappy GHDs that don’t even work,” Dan says, really close to the camera. 

    “Wait no they’re not that bad,” Phil says, leaning over to get them. Dan leans back. 

   “They are Poundland GHDs.” 

   “G...DHs.” 

   “They are GDHs.” Phil snorts and comes back on camera. 

   “What does a giraffe sound like?” Without even pausing to think, Phil makes a strange animal/alien like noise. 

   “That’s - _every_ -” Dan breaks away to laugh lightly, “Every animal makes that noise with you.” Phil just makes the sound again. 

   “Hold on, your bed is comfier than down here,” Dan says. He lies down on Phil’s bed. 

   “You can stay in my bed for as long as you like,” Phil says, biting his lip.

   Dan laughs. “You just can’t say that, and not expect me to take you up on that offer. Okay, next question. Can you say something in French?”

   Phil thinks for a minute. “Je mange le petit enfant.” Then he brightens. “ _Est-ce qu’il y a une salle de jour_? That’s the only thing I remember from French class.” 

   “Tu me es une... prostitute,” Dan says. 

   “Did you just call me your prostitute?” Phil turns around and is greeted by Dan’s cheeky smile. “Hey! Stop it,” Phil says, but he’s smiling, too. Then he turns back to the camera. “Je m’appelle Phillip... une... ein... poisson.” He pauses. “Et toi? 

   “I’m not sure all of that was actually in French, Phil,” Dan shakes his head and comes back down off the bed. “So. How do rabbits get protein?” 

   “From eating a lot of meat.” 

   “Would you eat ham every day for the rest of your life if you got paid a million pounds for every month you lived?” 

   “Yes. Although, I’d probably die of ham poisoning,” Phil responds immediately. “Ham overload.” 

   “Ham overdose. Ham.” 

   “Haam.” 

   “ _Hhhhaaam_.” 

   “We need to stop saying ham.” 

   “Ham doesn’t even sound like a real word anymore.”

   “All right, moving on!” Dan laughs. He scans down the paper for the next question on the list. He cringes a little on the inside when he reads the next question, and he kind of regrets writing it down. “Um, who was your first love?” He asks timidly. 

   Phil doesn’t even bat an eyelash. “Your mum.” 

    _Phew._ “Is your house still haunted?” Dan asks. 

   “Well...” 

   “Um, you may not know this, but Phil _actually_ lives in the hotel from the film _The Shining_ ,” Dan butts in, taking over the question. From what he’d seen of Phil’s house last night, it really did have that kind of very old vibe to it. He would honestly find the house very creepy if it wasn’t for the fact that Phil inhabited it. 

   “Shall we take them on a tour?” Phil asked.

   “You wouldn’t mind showing people on the internet your house?” 

   “Well, they’re obviously not going to see everything,” Phil shrugs. “As long as my subscribers don’t know where I live, all is good.”

   “Okay,” Dan picks up the camera.

   “I can film it, if you want,” Phil holds his hand out for the camera, but Dan shakes his head. 

   “No, I’m supposed to be learning, remember?” Dan quips, holding the camera out of reach. Phil could easily take the camera back, since he was a tiny little bit taller than Dan at this moment in time, but he doesn’t. “You can lead the way.”

   Dan and Phil tour the house, Dan pointing out generally old or creepy things as Phil follows and laughs. “And then, finally, back to the bedroom,” Dan announces as they return to Phil’s room. “The most terrifying room in the whole house.” 

   “This is where the magic happens,” Phil says. Dan sees his sassy face through the camera and laughs.

   “Oh really? Does much magic happen in here?” Dan teases. “Seems pretty devoid of magic right now, to be honest.” 

   “We can fix that,” Phil says without thinking. Dan looks up from the camera and stares at him. Phil stares back, because he means exactly what it sounds like he means, and he can’t think of any way to back track without sounding utterly incompetent in front of his crush. “If – uh – I meant...” Phil trails off. 

   “ _I’m not sure I can bring much magic_ ,” Dan says.

   “You’re plenty magical,” Phil says softly. Suddenly all the confidence Dan had last night – on the Manchester Eye, at the Skybar – came flooding back. He decides that he’s not going to let Phil slip away, not when he’s so close. 

   “I’m sure I could be,” Dan turns the camera off and sets it down on the dresser. He steps closer to Phil. “If you show me how.” 

   Phil takes a step closer to Dan, and now they’re pressed together. Phil’s hands brush softly down Dan’s arms until they reach his hips and grab on. “I could give it a try,” Phil says. 

   “Are you sure?” 

   “I suggested it,” Dan smirks. Phil slowly brings his lips down to meet Dan’s. Just before they meet he hovers, waiting. Dan realises that he’s making sure that Dan is really okay with this, and that he really wants Phil. Which is ridiculous, because of course he wants Phil. _How could he not_? So, once again, it’s Dan who makes the first move and kisses Phil. This time, though, he’s _all in_ – wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck, tangling his fingers in Phil’s hair, scratching at his back under his shirt. Eventually, he has to break away to breathe, because _holy fuck he’s never had a kiss that has taken his breath away like that before,_ and the second he does Phil pushes him down onto the bed. Phil leans back down to kiss Dan, but Dan stops him. 

   “Wait – Phil – it’s not that I don’t _want_ to, it’s just that I’ve _never_...” Dan bites his lip and trails off. “ _You know..._ ” 

   “Ever?” Phil raises an eyebrow. “With anyone?” 

   “No, I _have_ ,” Dan looks away. “Just never... with a _guy_.” 

   “ _Ohh_ ,” Phil laughs. 

   “Hey, don’t laugh!” Dan pouts. 

   “No, I’m not laughing at you,” Phil shakes his head and smiles. “I’m just laughing because it doesn’t really matter.” 

   “It doesn’t matter?” Dan raises an eyebrow.

   “No,” Phil says. “You don’t have to be nervous. We can take it slow.”

   “Easy for you to say,” Dan mutters. 

   “I promise, it won’t hurt, it’ll be okay,” Phil strokes Dan’s hair. “But if you want to wait I totally-” 

   “ _No_ ,” Dan cuts him off. “I trust you. I want you. _Now_.” 

   Phil doesn’t need any further reassurance. He dips his head to kiss Dan. 

   “ _Oh my God_. Wait. This is progressing really quickly,” Louise mutters, completely shattering the atmosphere (for older Dan, not for the younger couple). And then, as Phil pulls Dan’s shirt off, she continues, “ _Oh_. Oh my God, okay, this is officially uncomfortable. I think maybe now is a _very_ good time to leave you two alone.” 

   Dan isn’t even looking at the younger couple anymore; he has completely turned around to face the wall. “ _You think_?” 

   “I kind of can’t stop watching though. I mean, this is every Phangirl’s dream, and I’m living it,” she says. 

   Loud moans sound from behind Dan. “Okay, we’re leaving now!” Louise grabs Dan’s arm and leads them past the younger couple, Dan’s eyes staying safely shut until they’re out of the room. “That got intense.” 

   Dan can’t help but smirk. “I still don’t get why you’re showing me all this, you know.” 

   “You’ll figure it out,” Louise brushes him off. 

   “So... are we just going to wait outside?” Dan asks as the moans coming from inside the room get progressively louder. 

   “Nope. That’s going to be way too awkward. I’m going to use that magic fast-forward power of mine to save us from past you,” Louise says. She doesn’t even blink, or do anything obvious, but in an instant the clocks have bounced forward forty five minutes. “Is it safe to go back inside now?” Louise asks, a comically wary expression on her face.

   “Hmm, I’m not sure...” Dan thinks aloud. “Maybe I should go in alone.” Louise shrugs. “Well, that’s not against the terms of my contract, so, yeah, go for it.” Dan takes a deep breath and goes back inside Phil’s bedroom. He knows exactly what he’s going to see, but he’s still not prepared for it.

* * *

 

   Younger Dan and Phil are curled up together, heads barely peeking out from underneath Phil’s duvet. They’re both slightly red and sweaty, but both of them are surrounded by an ethereal glow of happiness. They’re not speaking, but Dan is mindlessly stroking Phil’s arm, and Phil is running his hand through Dan’s slightly curly hair. They never stop looking into each other’s eyes – cliché as it might sound, they are completely entranced by the other. 

   After a few minutes of silence, Phil speaks up. “Should we finish filming the rest of the video now?” 

   “I don’t know, it feels a bit strange to jump back in after what we just did,” Dan says, as Phil snuggles his broad shoulders into Dan’s bare chest.

   “Well, it has to be finished at some point,” Phil shrugs. “It’s not like anyone watching it will be able to tell that we just had sex.” 

   Older Dan snorts.

   “But I just want to lie here with you for the rest of the day,” Dan whines.

   Phil smiles up at him. “It’s not like we don’t have time to do this again later.”

   Dan returns the sweet smile. “You promise?” 

   “I _promise_ ,” Phil nuzzles Dan’s neck. “Now come on, the internet awaits!” 

   “We maybe should get dressed first,” Dan laughs. “Although I’m sure the internet would adore seeing two naked men flirting shamelessly on camera.”

* * *

 

****Ten minutes later, the camera’s rolling, and they’re back at it.

   “What was your first word?” Dan asks.

   “ _Light!_ ”

   “Pfft. Okay,” Dan shrugs. There’s no way that was his first word, though – that would be too Phil, and way too perfect. 

   Dan grabs one of Phil’s many, many lion plushies and holds it up. Phil kisses it quickly as Dan asks the next question through the lion: “Is it fun being a man now?” 

   “Yeah, especially now I’ve got my-” Phil pauses to grab something from next to him and hold it up on camera, “ _Cordless hammer drill!_ ” 

   Dan laughs, because _why the hell does he have that in his room_ , and why did he have it so close to him? “So manly!” He exclaims. 

   Phil holds up his thin pale bicep. “Sexy,” Dan winks at Phil. 

   “Pfft,” Phil just rolls his eyes. 

   “If you came with a warning label, what would it say?” Dan asks. 

   “ _Danger,_ ” Phil responds in a deep voice. 

   “How creative,” Dan rolls his eyes. “I think you should quack.” 

   Phil makes almost the same noise as he had made for the giraffe, and this time Dan joins in. 

   “May I stroke your glabella?” 

   “What’s a glabella?” Phil looks confused. 

   “ _Let’s find out what a glabella is_ ,” Dan says to the camera. “Okay.” And then quieter, under his breath, Dan says, “ _I hope it’s something dirty._ ” 

   Dan grabs Phil’s laptop and looks it up. “Glabella is the space between the eyebrows and above the nose.” 

   “There,” Phil says, pointing to his own glabella. 

   “There?” 

   “Show the diagram.” Dan holds the laptop up to the camera.

   “That’s so interesting Phil,” he says, voice thick with sarcasm, “I bet they’re all so glad they can see the diagram.” 

   “Would you and your lion ever have a threesome with Hannah Montana?” Dan asks.

   “Hold on, I think I’ve actually got-” Phil stands up and rummages through one of his drawers. 

   “You think you’ve got _what_?” Dan asks incredulously. He has no idea what Phil could have that would be relevant to the question. He breathes an internal sigh of relief when Phil turns around with a photo of Hannah Montana in hand. 

   “Phil, why do you have that?” Phil shrugs. 

   “I needed it for another video.” 

   “And you kept it?” Phil holds up his lion and the Hannah Montana photo and licks his lips. 

   Dan snatches it from his hand and get really close to the camera. “ _Oh, Miley, ohhh_ ,” Dan moans, stuffing the photo into his mouth. 

   “Oh my God, don’t make those sounds,” Phil groans and covers his ears.

   “Why? You didn’t seem to mind them an hour ago,” Dan smirks. 

   Phil blushes. “That was different. This is _on camera_!” 

   “I’m sure the audience will love it,” Dan laughs. “I’m almost out of questions. Let’s see, um... Should I even bother asking about your feet?” 

   “No,” Phil says in a raspy voice. He rolls backwards and shows his mismatching socks for two seconds before hiding them again. 

   “Well,” Dan says, looking down at his sheet. “That’s it. That’s all the questions.” 

   “How do you think we should end it, then?” Phil asks. “It feels a bit abrupt without a proper ending.” 

   “With an honest statement? This is the most fun I’ve _ever_ had – whoa!” Dan doesn’t get to finish the sentence before Phil tackles him to the floor in a hug.

   Dan giggles as Phil hovers over him, one arm above Dan’s shoulder supporting him up and the other resting on Dan’s hip. 

   “What is it with you and tackling me?” 

   “It’s the most fun I’ve ever had,” Phil echoes. Dan smiles up at Phil, eyes twinkling, and it might sound stupid but this _really is_ the most fun he’s ever had. He’s only known Phil for a few months, and has only known him in person – and been able to touch him – for a few hours, but there’s a connection here that Dan has never had with anybody else. And it felt so right, because this wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing, oh no, they’d both wanted this ever since they really started talking online. It just took meeting in person to solidify the feelings they already had for each other.

   “Phil?” Dan says.

   “Yeah?” Phil’s eyes are fixated on Dan’s, like they’re never going to look anywhere else again. 

   “Turn off the camera. I was only joking about making a porno earlier.”

   Phil turns off the camera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder to please please comment with thoughts / criticism / opinions! I would really appreciate it!


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